Tammy's Letter to Barbara Walters

I have been a "View" watcher since your show premiered, until recently, I have never taken issue with any of the topics or the ladies. That changed during the Valentine's Day show and with Joy's comments regarding herpes and weight.

For those of us with a herpes diagnosis, adjusting to life and love post diagnosis is a difficult and often painful journey. There are many obstacles we face, the largest and most difficult are the "stigma" attached to the word herpes, and equally difficult are people and their "misconceptions" of what a person with herpes is like.

At this point, Joy's offhanded comments in an attempt at humor has succeeded in launching quite a fire-storm in the herpes community; I am confident in the ability of "The View" to use this unfortunate situation as a catalyst for rising above the controversy and using its platform to help promote education and understanding with regards to herpes.

Herpes is far more wide spread than you would imagine. The numbers are staggering, and it is women who have a higher infection rate than men. The national statistics are that 1 in 4 women will test positive for one or both types of HSV (Herpes Simplex Virus). Do you realize what that means? Look around the table of co-hosts on any day, and of the four of them there, one would test positive. The number for men isn't far off, 1 in 5 men will test positive. Do a head count in the audience any day of the week, and do the math, it will make your head spin. Now think about the number of people who watch your show. Do you have any grasp of the number of people you have sitting out here offended, angry, and frustrated?

There is a disappointing amount of accurate information "out there" to help people protect themselves and their partners from the disease, and the medical community and the government all seem to shrug their shoulders because to deal with the high numbers and the cost is "prohibitive".

When you go to your doctor or gynecologist for your "annual testing" you naturally assume that they run "routine" tests that check for "everything".  THEY DO NOT Even if you have "standard testing for Std's" done, TESTING FOR HERPES IS NOT INCLUDED. You must ask for it specifically, and often, are going to be dissuaded by your doctor after asking for the testing, you must be persistent and insist they do the test. The "rule of thumb" in the medical community seems to be that because the disease is not life threatening, does not interfere with reproduction like some of the other std's can (except possibly during child birth), and at the present time does not have a cure, it is just not worth the time or the money to test routinely for.

Another deterrent to routine testing is that many patients who receive a positive diagnosis can have significant impact on their mental health for a time and increase the incidence of depression, along with other stress related health concerns, so the "ignorance is bliss" theory seems to be accepted by most physicians. EVEN OUR MILITARY DOES NOT INCLUDE TESTING FOR HERPES AS PART OF THEIR "STANDARD" TESTING.

The fact is that herpes is often present in someone even when there is no sign of it and no history of outbreaks; it can be transmitted "silently" through skin to skin contact when "viral shedding" (invisible herpes cells on normally cast off skin cells) takes place. This only serves to feed the number of newly infected patients. When people go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed they go on to infect an infinite number of partners who go on infecting partners and the numbers continue to grow.

There are two types of HSV, type 1 and type 2. Essentially they are the same virus, but they choose two separate nerve bundles to settle in when you become infected, and that will determine where you break out and what type you have.

COLD SORES are "socially acceptable" and often dismissed as no big deal, when in fact, they are one of the two strains of herpes (HSV-1), and can be transmitted orally or genitally during skin-to-skin contact like kissing or during oral sex whether an infected person has a visible sore at the time or not. GENITAL HERPES (HSV-2) is no different, except that because the sores choose "the boxer short" region as their home, they precipitate the many stigmas and misconceptions.  The same medications are used to treat both HSV-1 & 2.

Because of the lack of knowledge in the public, the medical community not putting more emphasis on testing and prevention, and the government not wanting to take on the staggering numbers of confirmed cases "routine testing" would reveal vs. cost, all of us, especially women are not fully informed and are not able to properly protect ourselves. We think we "know" what to do to be safe.  We think we "know" we are healthy because we trust our doctors do "the right tests".  We "believe" we practice "safe sex" or at least have been taught what "safe sex" is.

I am a believer that when you know better, you do better. I honestly think that this is going to be the case here, I truly do not believe that Joy was trying to be malicious and hurtful, but now that she and you and ABC are aware of the problem, I fully anticipate actions to follow that will serve to shed light and educate people to the realities of herpes.

I do want to make one final point in response to Joy saying the person was a "loser" for disclosing their HSV status in their personal ad. It was the correct and responsible thing for that person to do from both a moral and a legal standpoint. Once you know you have a sexually transmitted disease, you are legally obligated to disclose that to a perspective partner prior to engaging in sexual activity that could put them at risk for contracting the disease from you. Granted, most people wait to disclose the information until a relationship is formed to the point that intimacy is imminent, but I applaud that person for being up front from the start.

Joy has the right to determine herpes would be a "deal breaker" in a relationship, as does Elisabeth, but ladies, not everyone does or would and to label someone "a loser" simply because they possess a quality unfavorable in your view, is simply inappropriate. Every diagnosis for herpes is different because THE DISEASE IS ONE OF OPPORTUNITY AND NOT ONE OF SELECTIVITY, anyone is susceptible. While it is generally transmitted through intimate contact, we all come to it from different paths, some through contact with someone we were intimate with, some through rape, sexual assault, or incest. It may have come from the first person on first time, or after many years of sexual activity. You can be any color, any size, live in any country, have any job, make any amount of money, be single or married, gay or straight, herpes doesn't care. It is only interested in finding a home.

I am a 37 yr old woman who received my diagnosis one month ago today. My second husband and I will celebrate our sixth anniversary in May. I am the mother of three teenagers ages 15, 17, and 18. So my HSV-2 diagnosis was truly unanticipated.

My diagnosis did not change any of those things or erase any of the contributions I have made to my community or the accomplishments I've achieved in my lifetime. It does not define me, it is simply another aspect of what makes me who I am, just as my hazel eyes and auburn hair is.

I remain an intelligent, articulate, woman who believes that integrity and accountability are the foundations of success and happiness; I continue to believe that I deserve the many blessings and successes I've been fortunate to have because I try hard and work hard in life. Getting herpes didn't render me ignorant or irresponsible.

What my diagnosis did do, was turn my world upside down for awhile. It brought me to my knees initially. It made me have to look into the eyes of a man I adore and tell him I had this disease. It made me vulnerable, afraid, and confused. I was also angry, sad and frustrated.

My husband, thankfully, didn't react negatively, and has not considered this a "deal-breaker". It has in fact made what was already a very good, happy, and strong relationship even stronger. He has demonstrated what a commitment "in sickness and in health" means in action not just in words.  He has been my strength when I just couldn't be strong.  He has allowed me to grieve the "loss" of my "old self" as he patiently takes the journey with me to find my "new self". It is hard work… harder than beating Cancer  was. I felt like I had some control over Cancer, there was a chance I could "beat" it, and I did.  Herpes is here to stay - period. It takes away your identity for awhile. It beats up your self-esteem and self-confidence and it runs off with your sexuality.

If you were to coordinate an audience entirely of people with herpes, you'd never tell by looking at any of us that we are any different than any of you who sit on that stage.

In closing I don't think censorship is a good thing, and Joy had the right to say what she said, but perhaps she needs to do so in a more appropriate venue, such as off camera. As a paid spokesperson for Jenny Craig, I find it questionable to insult someone with a serious weight issue and laugh at their attempt to find someone to love and accept them as they are.  Perhaps she should refer to her bible for a minute and remember the passage "judge not, lest ye be judged."

I will tune in to the show for the next week only. If there is no mention of this matter, not addressing the many people the show has offended, I will be tuning out for good.

Sincerely,

Tammy Bolinski

   Herpes Awareness ~ Be proactive and put a stop to ignorance!

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