South Jersey H Pal

At the age of 22, I was diagnosed with HSV. Who would of thought that 8 years later that I would be here telling my story.

When I was 22, I just broke up with my daughter's father who was abusive. I was young and thought I if I could survive the abusive boyfriend, I could survive anything (in the end I learned I can survive anything). I started dating right away and having fun. Then one day I met this older man. I didn't want to date him at first but after a month of pursuing me, I gave in. We dated for a few months and then I decided that he enjoyed his drinking a little too much so I broke it off.

Started dating another guy right away (I didn't waste anytime to move on....lol). A month later I had my first Outbreak. At first I had the flu and a bad yeast infection. Went to the doctors for the flu and felt a tad bit better after that but couldn't get rid of the yeast infection so I made an appointment to see my GYN. Low and behold I go in and he tells me I have Genital Herpes. That's all he says to me. Gives me a prescription for Famvir and moves on to the next patient. Lucky, the Nurse Practitioner explained to me the little that she knew about it and calmed me down so I wouldn't leave the office a crying wreck.

I called the last guy that I had slept with and told him. He told me he went and got tested and everything came out negative. I believed him despite the fact that I never saw the test results. About a month later I see the guy I was dating before him (the older man) and end up telling him. He says he went and got tested and came back negative. So the last 2 guys that I was with are now claiming they were both negative. Now mind you, I was young, uneducated and didn't know anything about the internet or support groups.

So now, I'm 22, single mom and now labeled with an STD and couldn't even tell you who gave it to me. I thought my life was over and I was going to be alone forever. I just didn't have to search for a man that would except the fact that I had a kid but that I also had HSV. The older man I was dating says he still wants to be with me so I stayed with him, thinking there was no way anyone else was ever going to want to touch me again. I stayed in a crappy relationship (mind you it did have it good points at times) for 4 ½ years when I finally decided that I couldn't live with an alcoholic anymore and would rather die alone being the freaky cat lady of the block.

For about the next year (give or take a few months) I hang out with my friends and don't date at all. With the support of my friends I finally get the courage up to go on a date. With a non H guy at that (at this time I still had not found any support groups or dating sites and didn't know a single other person who had H). Let me just tell you the date was BAD. REALLY REALLY BAD. But you know what, I survived it. So I start dating other guys (most were from single sites on the internet) and finally it's time to have my first talk. Now get this, the guy that I'm a dating is a germaphobe! I really didn't want to take it to the next step with this guy (just wasn't feeling it with him) so I'm thinking "Damn, having H is going to actually help me out here. I will tell him and he will freak!". Guess what. The germaphobe didn't freak. So I had to break up with him the old fashion way. But this also made me think, "If a person who was a germaphobe could accept me having H and still wanted to be with me, there must be other guys that would too". So now I have more courage to date! Also around this time, I had stumbled on a dating site for people with Herpes and HPV. I throw and ad up and didn't take advantage of the chat rooms or message boards, but now I was dating both H men and non H men. Mostly still non h men. Most of the talks that I had went well but still hadn't found the right guy. But now I have one friend that has H. I had someone to share my fears with, h and non h related.

During this first year of finally finding someone I could take to about Herpes and dating, I had my first talk that did not go well. I was actually serious about this guy too which made it hurt more. I did the normal crying, screaming, I'm never dating a non h man again. That lasted for about a day until I brushed myself off, and decided that I wasn't going to let H control my life. But I also take a break from dating and decide it's time to start having some fun in my life and start making lots of great single friends in my life (at the time, most of my friends were married).

I decided to start going into a chat room (but still have not taken advantage of the socials that were going on in my city or the support group that we had). I end up becoming friends with a few people in chat that live in New Jersey. So, we all decide to get together for a little gathering in Jersey for the weekend. We all had a blast! And a few months after our first meeting was the first ever Philly National Event! We all went. I didn't find the man of my dreams but I got to hang out with my friends, meet new friends and actually meet people in person that I've been talking to online for about a year now. I also met my roommate that I have now through having H.

So I am going to the socials in Philly when I was able to and the socials in Jersey. I did this for about a year before I got the nerve up to actually travel to something! One of my Jersey friends kept on raving about one of the groups in MA, Beantown Friends and this H site. I join hfriends and start chatting with people on the boards. I finally get the nerve up to go and fly for the first time by myself. It had to be one of the best things that I've ever done. I now have these awesome friends that I hold dear to my heart. I go up there as much as I can now. After going to MA for the first time, I attended a gathering in Chicago and am returning to Chicago this summer for a National Event. I am also attending other National Events this year! I never imagined at the age of 30, I would so happy and be so blessed with such wonderful people in my life, and that I have H to thank for it.

I am also starting to support and help newbies with Herpes and HPV. I was alone and uneducated when I first found out and for a quit a few years afterwards and I hope I can ease some of the pain, guilt and shame that I had to deal with alone. One thing to keep on telling yourself. HERPES DOES NOT DEFINE WHO I AM. Don't ever forget that! - Rinn

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