Claremore H Pal

Hi there!! My name is Lori and I am a 31 yr old single white female in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I moved here to Tulsa in August 1996. I am originally from Omaha, Nebraska and yes, I am a HUGE Nebraska Cornhusker football fan. I have a bachelor degree in Secondary Education with teaching certificates in psychology and sociology and I have a Master in Human Relations degree from University of Oklahoma with an emphasis in Organizational Development. I work for the Girl Scouts as their Development Director which means I am in charge of all their fundraising, grant-writing, special events and some pr/marketing. I love my job!! Prior to working for Girl Scouts, I did grant management for the City of Tulsa. I own my own house and have 2 poodles named Hershey and Penny that I adore. I am a very independent person. I don't smoke, I social drink and am very much a people person. I am very close to my family, most of who live here in the Tulsa area. I enjoy a lot of activities in my spare time - movies, music, dancing, sports, anything outdoors, camping, canoeing, bowling, miniature golf, anything in or on the water, travel, chatting on line, volunteer work, and spending time with friends and family.

Now - for the part you are probably really wanting to read about. I have had type-2 genital herpes for the past 7 years. I had been dealing with what I thought was a yeast infection from hell that wouldn't go away.  Finally one night, I thought I was literally on fire "down there" and my mom took me to the emergency room where a very nice female doctor took one look at me and knew. She did culture several lesions just to be safe. My first outbreak was typical of the horrific looking photos you may have seen on internet sites - clusters of cauliflower-like looking blisters. (By the way - that isn't really the norm.) The doctor said I had hundreds and hundreds of them. It was awful. Don't ask me how I let it go on so long, but for several weeks it was a minor itch and then one evening - just BAM - it became unbearable. 

Anyway - I was put on Valtrex immediately, as well as some heavy duty pain meds and some anti-inflammatory meds. She also had me use some cream to help numb the area. I was out of work for the next 3 days, couldn't urinate without being in the shower and was in the worst pain ever. I saw my regular doctor the day after my ER visit and he was very nice and supportive. As a matter of fact - he has genital herpes himself.  He put me on daily Valtrex for one year and then said we would evaluate after a year. I of course went through all the normal feelings and thoughts - how did this happen to me? Who gave it to me? Only sluts get STD's. What else might I have? I thought I would never have sex again, never have a relationship, never get married and surely never have children. Could I give this to someone through the toilet seat? Beds and towels? Although I saw him leading a normal life and his words were encouraging - I thought "How can he know what I am feeling? He is a married man, late 40's with children. I am a single female, mid-20's, no kids and now my life is over." I literally felt that way. 

Although my doctor had herpes himself - he wasn't much help in answering any of my questions. He had no resources or reading materials for me. He just responded, "Oh it isn't that bad." I went on a mission to find SOMEONE to blame JUST so I didn't have to blame myself. That didn't work. You see - I finally had to admit it to myself that I had led a pretty promiscuous lifestyle and wasn't the least bit safe with partners. I had some extremely wild college years behind me.  I was the one to blame and I had to accept that. I did force myself to get a battery of all other STD tests, including HIV. About 5 months after my herpes diagnosis, I found out that my ex-fiancé' from my college years had just recently passed away from AIDS related complications.  Talk about a scare - my herpes diagnosis was NOTHING compared to how I was feeling at that point in time. I went to the local clinic - told them what I knew of his illness, his death and recollected best I could our sexual relationship, last point of contact, etc. I went through HIV testing every 3 months for the next 2 years. The only catch was I couldn't have any risk factors during that time - meaning no unprotected sex, no blood transfusions and no contact with IV needles. None of that was an issue to me since I was slipping deeper and deeper into a depression. 

I was coming to terms with being alone the rest of my life and giving up my dream of being married and having babies. I was dealing with the possibility of something much, MUCH worse than herpes. Every 3 months I sat on pins and needles waiting for that negative result. After 2 years of clean testing - I was deemed not infected. The next 4 years I had to be tested once per year. According to the clinic I no longer have to be tested unless I knowingly come into contact with another infected person.

I became a loner for the next year and a half. I didn't like the way I was feeling. I was gaining weight and had blossomed up to my highest weight ever of 259 lbs. I stayed home all the time, ate all the time and pretty much only left the house when I went to work or spent time with my family. (In November 2001 I had weight loss surgery and have since lost over 100lbs)

After that first year and a half, my mom encouraged me to seek counseling and I started on anti-depressants. What an amazing difference. I poured myself into my therapy sessions - really wanting to take charge of my life. I started doing all my "homework" as assigned by my counselor. I bought so many motivational books and really tried to take them to heart. But the best thing I could do for myself was to stop blaming me and try and make the best of my life. After a while, I knew I had to make this horrible situation into something positive. But how could I? 

I turned into an internet junkie doing research and getting information. I knew I had to take control of this situation. The ASHA website was a godsend to me and I found out there were a lot of local support groups. There was one listed for OKC but after some calling around found out it had disbanded. So... I took the bull by the horns and started a support group in Tulsa. It went ok for awhile. I found out more people wanted social interaction more than support. And from there - everything just grew. My confidence was back... I knew I wasn't "dirty" and I realized that really, it's the social stigma that makes this skin condition so bad. I knew I was on a mission to try and end that.  As for me now - well it is my choice to be very upfront and open about my condition. Again that is my choice. I know that approach isn't for everyone and I don't knock people for what they think, but I don't want people to knock my way of thinking either. I have had relationships since my diagnosis and yes, I have had sex again. Very satisfying sex to be honest with you. Although I have had people not accept me and not want to be educated (which is their choice and again, I understand and don't feel any indifference towards them), I do have men that understand, see past this herpes condition for the great incredible woman that I am and choose to be with me.

As for the physical aspects - in my first year after diagnosis. I had 4 outbreaks. Much more mild and controlled than my initial outbreak.  After consulting with my doctor, we decided to try and take me off the daily meds and try episodic medication - where I only take the meds if I notice an outbreak coming on. I now only get 1-3 outbreaks per year and I can't really identify what triggers them for me. I tend to get one single lesion or blister and it usually heals within 3 days. 

As for the local support group - after a couple years we disbanded as well due to no attendance month after month. We started an online group on yahoo and it is now making a good start in the area of education, support and friendship. We are once again starting local support group meetings as well.

I am still very upfront about my condition to potential partners. I do not date just inside the group... meaning I don't only date people with herpes. It is still hard for me to "have the talk" but I just approach it very matter of fact. This is something I have - it doesn't consume me whatsoever. I do not know for sure who I got herpes from. I have an idea but I will never know for sure. And that is something I had to get over...I wanted to blame someone. I wanted to make them pay for it. But now I know it was my fault. I wasn't careful in who I slept with, I wasn't safe in my acts. 

In a weird sort of way herpes has made me a better person. It has made me somewhat more selective about men I am with. It helps me weed out the ones who just want one thing vs. men who want to know me for the woman I am. It has helped me be more understanding of others and more accepting. It has helped me get direction in my life. AND it has helped me make some wonderful new friends - who although we met through these circumstances, we have SO much more in common. 

I love to chat online and meet new friends so don't hesitate to contact me sometime. I chat on yahoo as "thehuskergirl" and on AOL as "okhuskergirl".

Feel free to ask me questions - I have done tons of research on herpes and some on HPV and would be happy to share what I know. There are also some real good links available through the yahoo group. Check them out sometime!!

And... I do have pics of myself available so that you can put a face with the name and story. Herpes is real and it happens to real people. BUT, we are normal every day people just as much as the next person. - Lori

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